Happy Thanksgiving to my readers! Thank you for your support of “You Got This”! There is so much I want to write about. My continued plan is to post at least once a week Monday through Saturday. Once I get a rhythm down I will try to pick a consistent day of the week that I will post.

As for right now, I thought this might help any of you who are dealing with some craziness for tomorrow’s big holiday! Whether it’s dealing with crazy family, making a “dish” last minute, or hosting for the first time I got some quick links for you!

Dealing with crazy pushy family? (Thankfully I’m not… but I’ve been there) Why not make a game out of it!

Thanksgiving Bingo

https://www.tastingtable.com/entertain/national/thanksgiving-bingo-board-holiday-family-2016

http://www.holytaco.com/thanksgiving-bingo-card/

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jenlewis/thanksgiving-bingo-for-your-functionally-dysfunctional-famil

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jenlewis/thanksgiving-bingo-for-your-functionally-dysfunctional-famil?s=mobile

Childfree Bingo

(Don’t plan on having children but you have extended relatives being all judgy? Well here’s the Bingo game for you! I don’t necessarily love the ‘breeder’ title, but still fun to see if you can reach Bingo from all the presumptuous, rude, and personal statements/questions your fellow Thanksgiving attendees might say!)

https://whynokids.com/advice-tips/breeder-bingo/

Here’s some “How to Survive Thanksgiving” articles:

(First link is about how to deal with the dreaded “P” word, politics. Just warning in case that’s a trigger or something. I won’t be talking about politics and spoilers I totally love the suggestion of honing in on something cute like a dog or child and being like wow look at how cute when someone even attempts to discuss politics with me at a family/holiday function.)

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/20/us/politics/on-politics-thanksgiving.html

https://www.upbeacon.com/article/2018/11/how-to-survive-thanksgiving-with-your-family

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-tips-for-surviving-thanksgiving-with-the-dysfunctional-family/

And my cheat of recipe for when I have zero time to make something but am told to bring something I made myself:

ICE CREAM  PUMPKIN PIE

You need:

1 Pint Vanilla Ice Cream (Vanilla bean is the best… can be substituted for almond milk ice cream)

1 regular size can of precooked pumpkin (I have always used Libby’s… and not pumpkin pie filling)

1 premade graham cracker crust (Keebler has the hook up on this folks)

¾ c or a whole cup of sugar (you do you)

1 regular container of cool whip (if you need to go vegan on this the So Delicious coconut cool whip is pretty good- I get that from Whole Foods)

2 tbs pumpkin pie spice (McComrick makes this in a tiny little thing but if you have spices already I will link to the formula how to make it easily from scratch… just mix it all together as they said take two tablespoons)

1– fill the pie crust to about half way with that ice cream. Put in freezer to set.

2-  Mix pumpkin, sugar, pumpkin pie spice, and cool whip  (for ease I usually mix this in the cool whip container) … mix and taste until it’s balanced and yummy. You can’t mess this up. You can do more pumpkin less whip or more whip less pumpkin. (Just make sure pumpkin is in it to call it pumpkin pie)

3- Pull the pie out of the freezer. Then layer that new mix on the top.

4- put it back in the freezer, cover than bring in a cooler, store in freezer until ready to serve.

DIY pumpkin pie spice= ground up versions of the following spices: cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, cloves

Recipe for portions & balance: https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/homemade-pumpkin-pie-spice/

And a link or two for you… if your hosting for the first time and you just realized now the night before thanksgiving how freaking “involved” it all is:

https://www.buzzfeed.com/alessiasantoro/thanksgiving-for-the-lazy

https://www.bustle.com/articles/122209-15-easy-thanksgiving-recipes-to-make-with-three-ingredients-or-less

Alright hopefully you won’t need any of the above… although that pie is super delicious. Either way, remember…

You Got This!

-Heather

Another way to switch my focus/perspective is to provide subtle reinforcement. So often we have a lot of negative reinforcement…. Family that argues, staff/customers/bosses that don’t appreciate us/are mean/focus on the negative, we are often inundated with the news of the terrible goings on in the world, we consume a lot of media that may have a more negative focus (Youtube videos, Instagram feeds, Facebook feeds, etc.), and we tend to choose to read or watch fiction that is of a darker more negative perspective of life. So… with all that negative feedback it’s sometimes hard to see the world as positive. It’s hard to see the good in the world when we have the awful staring us in the face all the time. Once again, as I said before, that does not mean I suggest or even condone being ignorant to the world and it’s troubles, or that by changing your perspective you will magically erase some illness or disease. (So please don’t be that jerk that says to people who are struggling “It’s your choice to be ____” whatever that may be, depressed, overweight, generally ill… you don’t know someone’s struggles. Even I am not saying to you “you need to change”… I’m saying “hey this might help, and that there is still good the world, at least some!”)

So I am mindful of what I consume, as best I can. And do my best to sprinkle in the good. I still read the news, I still watch spooky movies… but I try to sneakily inundate myself with positive when I can.

I try to read more positive self-help, memoirs, and fluffy happy stories. I try to watch more inspirational and feel good films. But a major thing I do which is where I feel like we are the most effected by is the social media. I follow A LOT of positive pages/accounts on Facebook and Instagram. We cannot control what others post, but we can control how much we consume and of course what we post. I try to repost more positive on Facebook for multiple reasons, it puts some happy into my friends feeds, I can go back and look at those posts specifically to reaffirm goodness and most importantly social media such as Facebook is designed to track algorithms to offer more suggestions for things you might like. If you always click on and repost, “the world is ending” stuff, then you are going to get more of that. If you post and click on the positive, then you will get more of that! Also it’s more than acceptable, it’s sanity saving, to just scroll past the click bait articles and angry rants of our Facebook friends. I get it, you want to know! This is not ignorance, this choosing what you consume. Being aware that animals need help, that politics are confusing and polarized, and that there’s a recall on a food, is important sure, but you don’t need to know obscure facts or read yet another article about the exact same subject that will only infuriate you.

It’s up to you to choose what you consume and how much of it. If you feel the need… to delve deep into the darkness ignoring all positives, to be mindfully aware but also consume happier media, or to be completely ignorant of the news… that’s your decision.

Okay so that being said, here are some pages/accounts I follow to infuse my social media pages with some positive. Granted sometimes even these resources post negative things or things I don’t like, so you may or may not like yourself. I have unfollowed some that have gone too far in a direction I do not like, whilst others I will just ignore that stray post of negativity.  This list is certainly not exhaustive and if you have more you recommend comment below!

You Got This! –Heather

Facebook pages I follow:

BrightVibes

Hay House

Bored Panda    (this is 50/50, some awesome, some stupid/obnoxious)

Bored Panda Animals

This Girl Can

60 Second Docs (some amazing awesome people… a few strange ones though)

Dry Bar Comedy  (mostly clean comedy, some brilliantly funny, some lame)

HealthyWay Media

Instagram accounts I follow: (all @)

Powerofpositivity

Positiveenergy_plus

Justsatisfyingthings

Thegoodadvicecupcake

Catanacomics

Sarahandersencomics

Lunarbaboon

Eatyourkimchi

deskofjdogood

respectfullychildfree

brightvibesmedia

themuppets

christmassautumn

cosyseasonalvibes

Cute animal Instagram’s:

Bona_mops

Itsdougthepug

Lil_pickles_da_pug

Mops_juergen

Ceilithepuppy

Littleyetichingching

Bertiebertthepom

Drsmashlove

Norbertthedog

Popeyethefoodie

So I feel like it’s been months since I last posted even though it’s only been a week! What a week! I feel like the Universe was like, let’s help you test your statements of the last post, ‘can you stay focused on the positive and be grateful?’ Man was it hard! But thankfully I have a lot of tips, tricks, and tools to keep me on track… and an awesome husband and great friends too. So I am very thankful of that.

One of the tools I mentioned briefly at the end of the last post was “Saying Affirmations”. Which if you have never heard of affirmations or maybe heard but have no idea what anyone is talking about: it’s a way to help yourself reprogram your brain just by using a simple phrase. Basically you say a statement over and over until, one day it’s true! We don’t always realize that we are saying affirmations all the time, but a lot of the times they aren’t positive ones. It’s a little more complicated than just waking up and saying “hey I want this to be awesome now, make it happen self!” Let me explain…

Let’s begin by what affirmations even are…

I found a great blog post that discussed this:  https://blog.mindvalley.com/positive-affirmations/

But here is the Cliff notes version in case you are just too busy to click on that link above…

“In short, positive affirmations are statements that are spoken and often repeated to encourage and uplift the person speaking them…. A positive affirmation is actually the language of the brain.”

Each affirmation to have the most effect on our thoughts should have three elements as follows:

“1)…[be] in present tense… “

“2) …only include positive words…”

“3)…affirmations are spoken as statements of fact and truth [such as] statements that contain words like ‘am’ and ‘do’.”

Now, affirmations do not fix all. Think of yourself as a house, you could be one that just needs some general maintenance (even the newest of houses will have issues that arise) or you could be a house that needs a complete overhaul, or anywhere in between. To do your household repairs, you need a big toolbox filled with tools. A hammer won’t fix everything. Sometimes you’ll need a wrench, a screw driver, or even pliers. So affirmations may work for you immediately or it may take a lot of time. We are all different houses with different cracks and issues. So though I HIGHLY recommend affirmations, they are NOT a substitute for any other needed action… you may need to say them along with going to a therapist, journaling, exercising, changing your diet, doing research, doing some kind of art, etc.

Overall I find them very helpful. Even when I find I have trouble saying one. I know that if I initially buck against a particular affirmation and mentally say, “I can’t say that” that there’s something deeper to investigate. It helps open the conversation with myself to say “Well why can’t I say that? What do I innately believe without my realizing it? Is there something deeper here? How is this limiting me from progressing to who I want to be or what I desire?”  (These are called limiting beliefs, to learn a bit more about them I would suggest reading “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay.)

Also, a lot of times, affirmations help but you might not notice it because it helped in a different way than how you pictured.  Once again if you are laser focused on a particular outcome you might miss the positive outcomes that are taking place. So even deep within your subconscious mind and phraseology and terminology you use for your thoughts, whether you are consciously aware of them or not shape your perceived reality. If you are always thinking ” I always feel tired” or “I always fail and do everything wrong” you are messing with your brain to say “guess I’m always tired and can’t achieve my dreams let’s go sleep/eat/drink/curse out our self made problem.” … It’s one thing to make the assessment of being tired in the moment or notice that you’ve been tired, it’s another to tell your brain that this is your constant state of being. So with positive affirmations, in many ways, it’s the brain reprogramming equivalent to the statement, “Fake it until you make it”.

It’s much like learning to play a game, do a sport, or play an instrument. Very few of us can just start and be awesome at it, but you keep practicing it, until you are good at it. Same goes for affirmations, at first you might be like this is ridiculous but commit to ones that resonate with where you want to be in your life and then you repeat them in the mirror, to yourself.

You can start any time. You can say them just in your head or out loud. (I recommend if you are in public you might want to say them in your head.) You can say them while writing them. You can say them and look in the mirror (Louise Hay calls this mirror work and highly recommends it, sometimes it may be a little ‘intense’ though, especially when you realize you are having trouble saying the affirmation whilst looking into your own eyes.)

Examples of ineffective  and NOT good affirmations: 🙁

I could improve on blank

I can’t think about blank anymore

I will become Blank

I used to blank but now I will blank

HE, SHE, THEY will change

These are technically not bad statements but they aren’t the brain’s language to change your focus.

There is A LOT of science on this which the blog post I linked above references. But the simplest version is that the brain really only thinks in this moment, everything is within that framework and with that the brain does process negative terminology but it is in conflict with the positive statement. It’s much like when someone says “don’t think of a blue horse” and your brain can’t help but create the image of a blue horse before it takes it away. So the brain is focused on a programmed belief that is in present tense and a lot of which formulated when we were children. (Those limiting beliefs again.) So example if you always saw your parents or caregivers fight over money, little you and your brain might have created the belief that ‘money is bad because it causes people to be mad and fight’… because of this you might self sabotage, you might fear money, you may think people with a lot of money are always mean. You probably don’t think this on the surface but deep down it is your programmed “it is” “I am” statement that is in control. Here’s your chance to reprogram it! So even though that happened long ago the brain acts as though its still the truth now. This is why when we focus on past issues or worry about the future, we feel those issues as though they are happening now. Because ultimately the brain is in the now, despite our thoughts being focused elsewhere.

However on to the positive!!!!

Here are some affirmations to get you started. It is most helpful to only work on one or two at a time or choose maybe one a week, one a day, or one a month… Just try not to overwhelm and confuse yourself!

The best starters: 🤩

I am healthy

I am loved

I love myself

I have my dream job

I am living my best life

I make decisions easily

I radiate success

Life is good and so it is

I see beauty in everything

 

Some other good ones, that are a touch more advanced:

I trust the process of life

I am deeply fulfilled by all that I do

I prosper wherever I turn

I am divinely guided and protected at all times

Whatever I need to know is revealed to me at exactly the right time

My happy thoughts help create my healthy body

I listen with love to my body’s messages

I am healthy, whole, and complete

Wellness is the natural state of my body I am in perfect health

I am very thankful for all the love in my life I find it everywhere

I trust my intuition I am willing to listen to that still small voice within

I attract only healthy relationships I am always treated well

I release all drama from my life

I balance my life between work rest and play

I return to the basics of life: forgiveness, courage, gratitude, love, and humor.

I am in charge; I now take my power back

I trust the universe to help me see the good in everything and in everyone

I love my family members just as they are, I do not try to change anyone

I love and approve of myself

I further my career with every action I take

My job brings me financial abundance

My boss values the work I do

I spend time with positive energetic people

I have courage to live my dreams

I release all negative thoughts of the past and all worries about the future

I only speak positively about those in my world. Negativity has no part in my life

My life gets better all the time

My income is constantly increasing

It is now safe for me to release all of my childhood traumas and move into love

I deserve all that is good

I attract new clients every day

My enthusiasm is contagious

My workplace is peaceful and full of love

I take care of my body and exercise every day

My body is healthy and full of energy

I wake up happy and excited every single day

Each day of my life is filled with joy and love

I see others as good people who are trying their best

I instantly manifest my desires

My life is full of magic and serendipity

For some more affirmations I recommend checking out:

https://www.louisehay.com/101-best-louise-hay-positive-affirmations/

YOU GOT THIS! –Heather

Alternate Title: Perspective creates your reality

When you watch a movie you follow the focus of the lens, you let the script unfurl in front of you. You know who the main characters are by that focus, you know what the story is. Well life is the same way, except the lens is not only your eyes and ears but also what you mentally and emotionally focus on. You alone decide what genre your movie is. And that focus or perspective creates that genre. Just like a director of an uplifting inspirational film may start with the main character being downtrodden, the director would make sure that the final frame was one of hope or empowerment.

Perspective is zooming your lens to help better create your movie and with the right focus you can make your movie be something more happy or inspirational, if only to you. The movie of your life may fall into many genres over your lifetime but remember you create the picture by what you choose to focus on. By changing perspective you not only have a more fulfilling life but it also helps with that previously mentioned “magic feeling”. In order to make sure your genre is one more lighthearted, adventurous, comedic, or even heartwarming you will need to shift your focus to gratitude, positivity, and appreciation.

I know how amorphous that sounds… like one of those grade school posters hanging faded on the classroom bulletin board stating “Just Think Positive”! To which many would say, ‘if it were that simple, then I’d being doing that already’. See I myself am only scratching the surface of how awesome it is to be grateful, to focus on the positive, and generally be appreciative for what I have and where life has led me. And I know that it can be hard to even get to beginner level. My past self was inundated with phrases like “gratitude is the best attitude”, “you make your own fun”, and “the greatest power you could ever possess is the power of positivity”.  To which my brain would almost always make the sarcastic rebuttal of, “Oh okay, is that all? Wow, I feel sooo much better!” Because even if we tried for a minute to focus on the positive, most of us would then fall right back into our old negative thought processes. There are many reasons for this, one of which is that those in the know of how to break these negative patterns hardly explain it well to those who are stuck in lack/despair mindset. When all you see is what you don’t have, and you look around at the world, at the news, and all you see is hunger, war, death, and despair… well it’s hard to just ignore it all and start whistling a happy tune. (Then add the fact that many of the people who shove “be positive” statements down our throats are ungrateful negative people who use such statements to shut down your feelings, because they themselves can hardly deal with their own emotional insecurities, let alone yours…. So yeah, hard to learn to be positive from someone like that.)

But as someone who does feel that magic feeling, and generally tries to be grateful, appreciative, and have a more positive outlook (but like I said I’m definitely still learning myself)… I want to help you change your focus. Just because there is violence and darkness in the world, does not mean the world is without fluffy animals and flowers. (PS, past self, I know you were a goth chick, but even you liked roses and thought fluffy animals were cute.)

So with societal conditioning and our ingrained flight or fight survival instinct processing the world we see around us, we ultimately as human beings tend to lean towards a negative focus. You could have heard the funniest joke then immediately after stubbed your toe, and then hours later after the pain had subsided, you recall the long gone pain from the toe but forget all about the feeling of laughter from the joke. See the thing is focus. What you focus on becomes your reality and that is what I am going to discuss to help make those above topics make sense.

To be clear I am not saying that in order to change your reality you must ignore all other feelings than happiness. Those with a brighter outlook feel a full range of emotions. A positive focus would be what you decide to emotionally sit in. You can sit in anger, but it does not punish those that have hurt you, it punishes yourself. You can sit in sadness but it does not bring back anything you may have lost. Negative emotions serve their purpose of processing the injustices of the world around us, but they are terrible motivators for day to day life. Revenge and working in spite of is depending on the reactive feelings of someone else which you ultimately cannot control. So negative emotions are much like falling into a big old puddle of mud. You can be sad that your outfit is ruined, you can be annoyed that you wound up in the mud, and even angry that someone pushed you into the mud. But sitting in that mud and thinking those things does not clean your clothes or get you out of the puddle. It is your decision to stand, clean yourself off and perhaps even laugh off the situation that makes it better. When we sit in the negative mud feelings, we aren’t happy. And continuing to focus on those negative things is much like mentally sitting in that mud puddle long after you have stood up, changed your clothes, and cleaned yourself off. Why stay covered in mud?

A great example of focus creating your reality would be a very simple children’s book by Mo Willems called “My Friend is Sad”. In it Piggie the Pig sees that her friend  Gerald the Elephant  is sad, so she decides she will surprise him by dressing up as some of Gerald’s favorite characters, first as a cowboy, then a clown, and finally a robot. Each time Gerald is momentarily happy only to sigh and look forlorn. Having been unsuccessful in her attempt to cheer up her friend, Piggie approaches Gerald with apology that she can’t cheer him up. However once Gerald sees Piggie he is happy, and explains that though it was AMAZING that he saw a cowboy, a clown, and a robot all in one day, Piggie was not there to enjoy it with him and thus was sad. This is perspective, this is focus. The humor is that of course Piggie was there all along, but another take away is that, perspective and focus are key. See even though Piggie knew that those three characters were Gerald’s favorite, Gerald couldn’t enjoy the sight of any of those characters because his focus was on lack, on how he was without. He couldn’t enjoy because his focus wouldn’t allow him to. ( My Friend is Sad … not endorsed or recommending you buy just linking in case you are curious)

Lack mentality is definitely something present in the United States (and probably all over the consumerist world but I know I can only speak for what I’ve seen in the US) , lack mentality is encouraged by society, for without it, advertisers would have a hard time marketing their array of items to us. Think of all the different products you’ve seen advertised, useful or not, that are sold to the consumer (you) with the underlining message of “your life is unfulfilling in some way because you lack X, so buy it” as though with that item you will be complete (that is at least until the next product comes along). Now I certainly would not admonish anyone for purchasing items they desired or having a feeling of lack.  However, if you want to change the script of your movie from one of victimhood to one of emotional fortitude, than you need to change your focus.

You can continue to focus on lack and what is wrong or you can be appreciative and grateful for what you have. Does this erase all that is wrong with the world? Of course not. Does it make your day to day living more fulfilling and possibly affect others in a positive way? For most, that’s a big freaking YES.  Shifting focus doesn’t mean being ignorant or unaware of the world, it means being hyper aware of the good, much of which we often take for granted.

Now like I said, I am by no means a pro at this. I have many “bad” days and days where despite my best efforts I am mentally and emotionally stuck in that metaphorical mud puddle. But overall, I try to mentally thank the universe for giving me so many things, for a life filled with so much good, and for some freaking awesome people. I also try to verbally thank those who do kind or good things, even if it’s just their regular day to day job. Whether you are looking at it from a social or metaphysical perspective, it makes a lot of sense that those who are grateful and appreciative are the ones that get rewarded by life. Yes of course those who aren’t appreciative and grateful get some rewards too and sometimes those who are grateful do get crapped on as well. But look at it this way, say hypothetically you have two friends you exchange Christmas gifts with every year. Friend A, scoffs at what she is given, even if it is something you went out of your way to purchase she acts as though you  should have read her mind and is annoyed that you didn’t get her EXACTLY what she wanted, never thanks you and may ask you to return and purchase something else instead.  Meanwhile Friend B, is appreciative that you thought of her, and maybe you got her something she already has or something the wrong size, she will only tell you to be honest but still be appreciative. Now, I know how I would feel as the person giving gifts. Maybe the first time I would feel bad that I got Friend A the wrong thing (even if she hadn’t told me what she wanted). But as that attitude continued, I would feel as though Friend A was ungrateful, I would not try as hard, because I would then feel like all they care about is the presents I give, and I may even contemplate why we are friends. Friend A may even be one of those people that say “don’t get me anything” but then whines when you don’t actually get something because secretly she wanted a gift.  Then with Friend B, I would try harder if I got the wrong size or maybe even get her a better more expensive present than I would get Friend A, because she was appreciative. So life is kind of like this. Maybe initially, people jump through hoops for the picky mean person, but ultimately we want to spoil the person who is thankful.  So that is another way that being grateful and appreciative is helpful to you.

I want to make something very clear. Creating your reality is not blaming yourself for bad things that happened to you, or being at fault. Some books I’ve read that talk about manifesting and creating your best life, talk about how we attract things to ourselves as though we wanted bad things to happen to us. Even people with positive attitudes get mugged or have cancer. Sometimes shitty things happen to the most good and positive people. Though I do believe we attract things… such as misery loves company as well as when you see a person smile often times you cannot help but smile in return.  So yes there are definitely some undefined laws of attractions. That does not mean you deserved to be hurt. If you have been hurt in someway, please know that you aren’t what has happened to you. You are what you do, how you react, and how you think. Your thoughts are key… you decide to sit in the role of victim or survivor. Some things that happen to us are really crazy awful but you get to choose how you perceive the situation. Example: (don’t worry it’s a gentle example, I don’t want to trigger anyone) someone purposefully stabbed you in the back and told someone something very personal about yourself… you could be bitter that the person hurt you, you could feel worthless, you could decide never to trust another human again. Or you can focus on the good in your life, cut that person out of your life if possible, and be aware of signs of someone who is trustworthy or not. You get to choose, how you frame this. Being angry, being sad, rarely ever hurts the person who hurt you.  This does not mean that it’s “okay” that someone hurt you in some way, it means that you control your life. Being angry or sad does not punish those that hurt you it punishes yourself.

So, your focus helps create your reality. And when you shift your persepctive to a more positive focus, then you will attract more positive and sometimes even bring out the positive in others. By changing your thoughts and focus, you in turn change your life.

So as you can see it’s something so incredibly simple yet so freaking hard!  So you might want to give it a try, if not, well thanks for reading!

 

In Summary or the Quick Notes version:

Shifting your focus changes the movie of your life, you get to decide what you focus on, the good or the bad. If you want a better, more happy reality then…

• Focus more on the positive (not in a way of unawareness or ignorance but in a way of super awareness for the good in the world)
• Be grateful for people in your life and what you have, especially the things and people you often take for granted
• Appreciate the moments of good & when nice things are done for you. (A great way to help this is to think of 3 things every day you can be thankful for… this can be mundane like “I’m thankful I was able to eat yummy/healthy food” or “I’m thankful that I have socks to keep my feet warm on this cold day”… or big things like “I am thankful that the boss really liked my project proposal and how I rocked that meeting”)

And ways to help do this…

• Start to follow social media posts of positive quotes, stories (I will recommend some in a future post)
• Watch and read more positive films/fiction such as inspirational movies, happy stories etc.
• Try saying affirmations & writing in a journal
• Read some of the recommended titles below to help develop these skills and thought patterns to improve your life.

 

The next post or so I will follow up on this! Especially with lists of some movies, books, and social media pages or links that have helped me stay with a more positive and grateful mindset. Maybe they will help you!

Remember You Got This!

-Heather

 

Books to  help develop this new positive mindset:

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counter-intuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson  (Not as jaded as the title might suggest)

Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of The Tao by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your life (Before 8AM) by Hal Elrod **

The Power of Intention by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer**

The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith by Gabrielle Bernstein **

Grateful:  The Transformative Power of Giving Thanks by Diana Butler Bass  (Only just started reading this so  don’t know how helpful it is)

**I personally have not read these titles but have heard that these titles were influential for other people I know.  (The non-asterisk titles I have read and HIGHLY recommend!)

I have read a lot more self help than the titles above but these are the titles I found most helpful on the core topic of changing your reality based upon your thoughts and focus.

So you want to be the cool house on Halloween. The house that all the kids look forward to walking up to for trick or treat. A house just like one you remembered visiting when you were a child.

First of all let me tell you that cool is a subjective term, sometimes just the act of trying to be cool will ultimately make you the most un-cool.

So let’s change that statement, you want to be fun. You want to be memorable. You want to provide for that random child a special moment just like some random neighbor provided for you as a child.

Well decorations are key of course, but whether you have the ability to decorate at the level that you wish or not, what always gets overlooked is the treats.

If you want to leave a happy memory in a child’s mind then remember it is as much about the treats as it is about the decoration.

Treats that remain the most memorable to me from my own trick-or-treating past:

• Goody Bag
  • When I was a kid it was usually a paper bag that was folded over with a spider ring, a few small candies, and of course a goofy looking witch or pumpkin on the cover
  • With the creation of party stores and Oriental Trading Company, you could load that up however you like: stickers, temporary tattoos, glow sticks
• Full size candy bars
  • this isn’t just the big Hershey, it could be a full size sleeve of starburst, or a full size bag of m&ms
• Mini sized playdough
  • Any kind of small toy would work here
• Those Food Chain Gift certificates         
  • I don’t ever recall actually using them, but I remember the graphics on it and how excited I was to get them
  • And I am pretty sure they don’t exist anymore (at least no longer universally accepted if they do exist)
• Honorable Mention: the tray of name brand favorites
  • Because my favorites are not everyone else’s favorites. Nor will your favorites necessarily be the neighborhood children’s favorites. Mine were always Reese’s peanut butter cups, butterfinger, and skittles… but this is a whole different conversation
• Honorable mention: the popcorn ball
  • As a kid I loved popcorn and sugar and this was a ball of that, also it was super rare mostly because people probably were like what kid wants this?

Quick note: For some reason the sub-numbers for the numbered bullet points below are being strange. My apologies. I don’t know how to fix it at the moment, but I really want this posted before Halloween, so I am just leaving it for now. I hope to go back later and fix it. ( I just wanted the main points to be numbered so that it’s clearer.)

My Guidelines for being a great house to visit & generally being prepared for Trick or Treats:

Some things to consider: There will always be someone who is unappreciative, someone without a costume, and someone who takes a handful when you say pick two or pick one. It’s up to you to decide whether it will “bother” you… And yes, it’s your house, your rules… These are just my tips & tricks…

1. Always give out a treat, even if they don’t have a costume. It’s a piece of candy, or a goody bag. I know it sucks that they aren’t holding up to their end of the bargain, you get to see the cute/cool/creepy costumes and they get rewarded with treats. … Well if you think back to the roots (at least within American tradition), trick or treat was so that you didn’t have a bunch of hooligans vandalizing your home… no guarantee of costumes. So just give the damn kid candy… [A note about costumes at end of the post*]
2. If you really care about costumes then: instead reward the excellent costumes. The ones that really impress you give them an extra treat or tell them they can take more.
3. If you really care about the kid grabbing handfuls: then don’t let them choose. You can make up goody bags, hand out a single item such as a large Hershey bar or a tiny tub of playdough, or ask them to hold out their bag so you can put some pieces in, for each child. (If you truly get annoyed by this then don’t ever hold out a bowl, someone is going to grab more than you said.)
4. If you want them to choose but cannot handle the kid who takes forever to pick and even roots around digging for better candy… well don’t have a bowl! Use a tray! They see it’s flat so they won’t dig for better candy because they can see what you have. Then to replenish have a big bowl inside the house or under a table for when your tray looks too sparse. Also, more than 4 – 5 options really overwhelm the kids, so don’t go too crazy! [Remember goody bags and pick 2 are also options.]
5. If you really can’t be home but you want to give out treats, AND you are friendly with your neighbor who will be home, it’s okay to ask them if they can also give out your treats. Just make sure to give them something simple like a goodie bag or a singular type of candy so that they don’t have to remember something like “pick 2” or one of each or whatever.
6. If you will be out for only a little while during peak trick or treat time… Sneaky trick if you’ll only be out a short time… Put out the cheapest plastic bowl (it can still be festive I am just saying that there’s a possible some older kid being “smart” might steal it, so don’t put out any fine china) and put out your dinkiest candy .Generic Lollypops, tootsie rolls, sixlets—I’m looking at you. Put only like twenty, and make a sign that says “be right back please take one”.  Or two. This way, most of the kids will know you attempted to keep the candy coming and won’t be a prime egging target. OR you can put a sign on your door that says, will be back at 4:30pm or whatever.
7. Time to prepare… House is Decorated, you are home, and you are handing out treats  and now if you want to see all the fun costumes & be a good trick or treat host… Always use the rest room and eat a solid lunch before the prime trick or treating time. They will ultimately knock on your door when you are in the loo, so if you can go before, do so!
   1. Have a bottle of water by the door or if you are outside as a scary person, under or behind a decoration. You need to stay hydrated.
   1. It’s okay to be inside eating or watching a movie. Just make sure you leave the door open or that you can easily hear or see the kids coming. Make sure it’s something you don’t mind either pausing or missing pieces of. (I usually put on something like Mad Monster Party or Charlie Brown when I know it’s going busy but sporadic. )
   1. It’s okay to setup a table outside just be there to monitor it.
   1. It doesn’t hurt to point out the costumes you recognize. But “what are you” might annoy some kids, be aware.
   1. Be aware of any restrictions… if there is curfew no need to stand outside yelling “where is every body” and some times are so big on parades and parties that they do their trick or treating another day. So be aware.
   1. Most important say Happy Halloween! Keep the magic alive. You want them to say trick or treat at every house, so you should say Happy Halloween.
8. Time to prepare, but you’re working during part of the trick or treat time…Put the candy dish filled with candy by the inside of your door before you leave for work. You want the candy easily accessible once you unlock your door. Because the children will see you and approach! If you don’t want to miss them be prepared.
   1. Eat before you get home, even if it’s a little snack. You don’t want to go ape on the candy bowl or be hangry while loads of children keep coming to your door.
   1. Potty before you get home if possible. I mean this goes without saying but I’m saying it.
   1. You might want to put up a sign on your door that morning that says “Will be handing out treats from 6 to 8” or whenever… this sign doesn’t say you aren’t home (but that you aren’t ready)
   1. And of course sub-points 2-7 of point ” 7: Time to Prepare”
9. If you are NOT handing out treats… whatever the reason, maybe you will be away on holiday, you will be out the entire day taking out your own set of trick or treaters, your evil boss has you working a double, or you don’t feel like giving treats (why are you reading this then?)…. DON’T DECORATE!! Decorating means, come little children I have treats. (Granted if you are handing to a neighbor or something came up, such is life… but otherwise if you aren’t handing out treats then DON’T DECORATE.) That would be really lame, for kids to see your nicely decorated home and stand at your door step “shouting trick or treat” and no one is there. But remember according to the movie Trick or Treat, and some other sources, handing out treats is to appease the spirits of Halloween, and stop them from killing you and other such evilness.
10. IF you want more kids, decorate to the extreme. However, extreme means semi-friendly. If you have blood and gore everywhere you are the creepy house that they don’t want to go up to. Gore houses are for the owners to prove how messed up they are. But the spooky, eerie, just a bit scary, is for the kids and the Halloween magic filled adults. (You can also friendly pumpkin the place up too, it’s up to you.)
11. IF you are handing out candy, make sure it’s ones that aren’t able to be easily resealed. [Name brands are always preferred] Examples of what I would stay away from are Hershey kisses or generic unlabeled candy such as a party company’s pixie sticks. (Any good parent will find this suspect and won’t let their kid eat it anyway, so you are just throwing out good money).
12. IF you are handing out toys instead of candy or as another option. Make sure to display a teal pumpkin image. Some children cannot eat candy at all or even most handed out snacks… generally those with allergies and sensitivities, wouldn’t even have been able to trick or treat in the past.. So if you are handing out toys instead of candy (such as mini playdough, pencils, spider rings, etc.) you can display a teal pumpkin somewhere that alerts people you have other options other than food or candy. Teal pumpkin doesn’t mean that you have what you think is allergy free offering, it means you have non-food options. This does not mean a spider ring or sticker in a goodie bag filled with candy either. They need to be separate from allergens. (Note: There are many candies that seem like they would be allergen free that are definitely not.) Which leads me to…
13. Don’t be the person who hands out tooth brushes. Just… don’t ever be the person who hands out tooth brushes… really when you think about it that’s like handing out zit cream or underwear, that’s a personal thing, and good parents will already have them using a tooth brush so you are wasting money. If you are anti-candy then hand out pencils or even organic juice boxes, just don’t be that person. No one likes that person, no one. (Okay except maybe a dentist, but really I’m a librarian do you see me handing out huge books. No. Calm it down.)
14. It’s okay to dress up as an adult, in fact you are handing out treats, you should really go for it! Once again, super gorey or super sexy won’t be appropriate for the trick or treaters. *According to the movie  Trick or Treat, and some other sources, dressing up stops the spirits of Halloween from killing you. I wouldn’t chance it. Go put on that silly head band, apron, animal onesie, or full blown costume.
15. It’s okay to give a little bit of scare. You want to sit on your porch like a scarecrow an pop up. Go ahead. You want to lay on your front yard as dead body and pop no problem. A little bit of a surprise is cool. But remember to break character for little ones or not jump up and surprise the little ones. Unless you are heartless you know it’s just awful to make a toddler or preschooler cry. Also if you are going to sit on the yard or jump up and scare and you want to be a decent human being, make sure they can get the treats before you scare them. Whether it’s on a try off to the side or being handed out by a friend/significant other, wait until they get the candy then jump out.
16. Don’t be a creep that follows children or calls after them. It’s a good way to not only get arrested but also piss off your neighbors. And I mean this is both the “good intentions” way as well as the “let’s keep the scare going” way.
    1. Example One: You freaked out the kids and they were the only ones on the block, so now you figure why not chase or even just slowly follow them down the street?
    1. 1. Guess what you are a creepy jerk, don’t do that.
    1. Example Two: But you have good treats and no one is coming to your side of the street for whatever reason… so you say “hey kids! Come over here! I got treats here!” then go across the street to approach them.
    1. 1. Don’t do that. Once again you are a creep.
    1. 1. The only way this might be appropriate (unless these are kids you know for sure) is if a group of children knock and you were in another room getting changed or cooking or whatever and couldn’t reach the door before they left. Then you open the door and they are a few houses over, you can then yell something like “I am sorry I wasn’t able to get to the door. I have treats if you want to come back!” That’s it otherwise you are a creep.
17. Want to Keep the Jack O Lanterns lit? Maybe you truly believe in the legends of All Hallow’s Eve where goblins came to steal your children or the horseman came to chop of your head. Maybe you just like the look of your Jack O Lantern lit the whole night through. Maybe you just know it’s one of the rules of the movie Trick or Treat. No matter the reason, my biggest advice is to buy one of those flickering fake candles. I know this seems like a cop out but those things stay lit you can find ones that look real, you can light an honorary inside pumpkin with a real candle if you want, but guaranteed continued lit and no fire, is a good a thing.

*Quick aside about kid’s costumes:

Sometimes kids cannot afford costumes. Sometimes kids had a costume and were made fun of for wearing it. You don’t know their deal. Heck, they could have an awesome costume but it don’t have a mask or makeup and it’s a chilly Halloween so mom made them wear that gigantic coat. Whatever the reason just give them a piece of candy or whatever you are handing out. (Granted, you want everyone to wear costumes, to me that’s the reason I hand out treats is to see all the cool costumes. However, you don’t know anyone’s deal.)

As for the older kid, usually two or three together definitely no costume. They come up either with a lot of “what, just give me candy” attitudes or are all shrugs when someone asks where is their costume. Here’s the deal. These kids, are still kids, they want to hold onto the magic, they want to keep trick or treating but society has told them that they are too old. They are in the weird place between childhood and adulthood, and just like Santa Claus realizations… Halloween is hard to give up. Their friends usually say “you know what, whatever, let’s just go knock on some doors get some candy, it will be funny”. What they really want to do is still dress up and go door to door but their peers, society, school, tells them “nope time to grow up.”  As an adult, I remember the time when I had to stop trick or treating and how much I hated that. (Thankfully, I was a very young Aunt so I got to be the “fun” Aunt and take them out for trick or treats.) But it was hard and I remember the last year I trick or treated. Sitting on my porch in jeans and cat print shirt with cat ears on handing out treats when a few of my friends all around my age came up to the house and said “Heather why aren’t you out getting candy?!” And I laughed it off at first, until I decided just a few more houses, just this one last year. Do I have to give it up yet. Sure I had cat ears on, but it really wasn’t a costume… yea I got a few looks and I think I only went to like 5 houses. But it felt good. So don’t give those kids flack just give them, wish them Happy Halloween and let them hold onto the magic a little longer because if they are like you and me, it’s going to take them awhile to realize they can have it back, in a new different way. But until then they are told you are an adult, magic is for kids.

Whether you take my advice or not, you got this.

-Heather

Some Halloween TV & follow up resources for Part 3.

Here are some of my favorite Halloween episodes of TV shows.

Addams Family [2P]:

• Halloween with the Addams Family (1964) Season 1, Episode 7

Buffy the Vampire Slayer [3P] :

• Halloween (1997) Season 2, episode 6
• Fear, Itself (1999) Season 4, Episode 4
• All the Way (2001) Season 6, Episode 6

Castle [3-4P] (depending on episode):

• Vampire Weekend (2009) Season 2, episode 6**
• Demons (2011) Season 4, episode 6 [not really Halloween but spooky!]
• Undead Again (2012) Season 4, episode 22 [not Halloween but zombies!]
• PhDead (2015) Season 8, Episode 3 [once again not really Halloweeny]

Frasier [2P]:

• Halloween (1997) Season 5, episode 3
• Room Full of Heroes (2001) Season 9, episode 6
• Tales From the Crypt (2002) Season 10, episode 5

How I Met Your Mother [2P]

• The Slutty Pumpkin (2005) Season 1, Episode 6
• Canning Randy (2010) Season 6, episode 7
• The Slutty Pumpkin Returns (2011) Season 7, episode 8

Modern Family [2P]:

• Halloween (2010) Season 2, episode 6
• Open House of Horrors (2012) Season 4, episode 5
• Good Grief (2018) Season 10, episode 5 {Brand new! However, sad!}

The Munsters [2P]:

• The Munster Masquerade (1964) Season 1, episode 1

Resources:

But you didn’t level the last post lists so … Is it appropriate???  Umm, probably not?  Most of those titles will be a little “much” for children/families and the adults who do not like horror. Many of the titles in part 3 are titles that wont be reviewed by commonsensemedia.org but you are welcome to check. IMDB.com may have some parental reviews for some of these titles.

Some List challenges

Want to see where you rank on how many of a type of horror/Halloween movie you’ve seen?

• All the List Challenges for the horror genre
  • https://www.listchallenges.com/lists/search/?s=horror
• Horror movies which are more fun than scary
  • https://www.listchallenges.com/horror-movies-that-are-more-fun-than-scary
• Vincent Price
  • https://www.listchallenges.com/vincent-price-horror-films

I want more Halloween episodes of TV shows:

• “List of Halloween TV specials”
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Halloween_television_specials
• “The 25 Best Halloween TV Episodes”
  • https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/25-best-halloween-tv-episodes/
• “Here Are 12 of TV’s Best Halloween Episodes”
  • https://www.thewrap.com/halloween-tv-episodes-roseanne-how-i-met-your-mother-the-office-friends-photos/

BUT I STILL WANT MORE MOVIES!!

• “The Best Classic Horror Movies”
  • https://www.ranker.com/list/best-classic-horror-movies/ranker-horror
• “40 Actually Terrifying Horror Movies to Watch for Halloween”
  • https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/movies/a38914/scary-movies-for-halloween/
• “Complete Universal Horror Films from 1920 -1960”
  • https://www.imdb.com/list/ls000493268/

Oh and for some horror movie humor, you may want to check out https://horrormovielessons.wordpress.com/. The creator of that blog, Bunny From Beyond, liked my ” movies part 2″ post, and I checked them out, and if you are okay with spoilers and enjoy a good laugh especially in relation to horror movies, then you might want to check them out! I’m more of Halloween fan than a horror fan but still a lot of fun!

AND if you haven’t already, feel free to check out the posts Halloween Magic: Movies Part 1, 2, & 3! (The third one is the longest.)