What’s a Past Self PSA? see my post: “What is a PAST SELF PSA? ”
This one is a follow up to all those posts about toxic relationships and boundary setting…
I only vaguely mentioned this in the toxic people part…
If someone is toxic in your life and is hurting you it doesn’t matter what “title” they have in your life or “length of time” they have been in your life, you need to let them go.
There are usually two types of people who tell you to stay in a toxic situation with your family simply because they are family…. Either they : A) have a healthy family situation and cannot relate/understand/believe the level of abuse you have/are dealing with or B) have been conditioned by their own toxic family/society to believe that they cannot let go of their own toxic family and possibly have deluded themselves into the belief that their family situation is normal/healthy usually stating something like “whose family isn’t toxic though?” (either way they are not looking at your specific situation, they are thinking about their family situation)
Your situation is your own, so it doesn’t matter if you have been friends for years and have so much history or that they are a blood relative such as a parent or a sibling, if they are dragging you down, hurting you, and it is a situation where you can’t just have a talk with the person in question and actually make the positive changes to not be hurt or dragged down… well then it’s time to let that person go from your life.
Society, people, friends, family, co workers…. They tend to chime in with statements like…
“But it’s your mother/But It’s your father/They’re your parents”
“But they’re your sister/brother”
“But they’re your family”
“But they have been your friend for so long”
“But you’ve known them forever”
“But you have children together”
(Almost always the people saying this either don’t know the whole situation, or if you try to explain, nothing is ever good enough/refuse to actually hear what you are saying)
NOW, I am not saying you shouldn’t try to work things out when possible and to truly make sure that a situation is toxic. Because to burn bridges over silly inconsequential stuff is not a great idea… But if you are dealing with toxic people who will not change, who are hurting you, don’t stay because of the title that person has in your life or in society’s framework. You need to take care of yourself and heal.
So if someone is hurting you and is toxic for your life and they will not make the changes you need for them to stop hurting you… it is okay to step away and cut out these people from your life even though society or people say you cannot.
Know too that you can also attempt to limit how often you see a relative if possible. But this is definitely situational.
Also it doesn’t mean that it won’t be hard. It might be incredibly hard, not just the process of cutting them out but it might be hard your heart/emotions. It may cause upheaval in other relationships with other people who do not understand your situation. But know that it’s okay. You don’t have to talk to that person because they are a blood relative and/or have always been in your life.
(as for co-workers without changing jobs you really cannot completely cut them out of your work life, but they do not have be in your personal life at private events, you do not need to take personal calls, and you can do things such as talk to your superior about the situation and set firm boundaries… granted this means you need to treat other coworkers similarly… and make sure that everyone is on the same page about this person when seeing co-workers outside of work)
Once again go back to the resources on boundary setting and toxic relationships for more. I just wanted to make sure you knew that it doesn’t matter if they are your parent or your childhood life long friend or your husband/wife… if they are toxic then it doesn’t matter what society says, step away.
This has been a Past Self PSA, now remember, YOU GOT THIS!!!!